Posted in Seed, tagged conception, conscious conception, grumpy, husband, Mesa, minimalism, pregnancy, shamanism, spirituality, waiting on April 14, 2010|
1 Comment »
Is anyone else here as impatient as I am? I try to be all zen and stuff, but hubby and I decided to make a baby one and a half months ago and I’m dying to be pregnant now, now, now. Physically, that’s almost impossible at this point as we’re just not that far into it yet and even though I know that, it doesn’t keep me from running over statistics and worrying about how long it might take us.
I’m a little grumpy because of work too. Things have been extra busy here (I do marketing for the Southeast region of a national U.S. company) and while I like to be busy, I’m feeling a little overstressed this week. With that piled on top of my nervousness and excitement about trying to conceive and it was really only a matter of time before I got on hubby’s nerves.
This morning we were sitting at our Mesa (more about that later…it’s part of our spiritual practice and basically means “altar”) and I started spouting off numbers.
“If my cycle is back to normal this month then it’s possible we could know whether or not I’ve gotten pregnant this cycle by the time we go to visit your family for Mother’s Day, because the morning we leave will be day 30. Wouldn’t that be great if we got pregnant the first month trying and could tell them in May?”
insert deep breath, and
“Really, even if we do everything right, there’s only a 25-30% chance of us conceiving in any given cycle.”
Finally hubby (gently) asked me to stop with the statistics, and my feelings were crushed. He’s a big sweetie, but his personality is a much better natural fit for the minimalism I was talking about yesterday. I’m more of an eager work in progress.
I explained to hubby that my first comment was my way of enjoying my hesitant hope, and the second was my way of reminding myself not to worry too much if it doesn’t happen right away. I also reminded him that as minimalist as I want to be, my brain does process things this way, and I need him to bounce my excitement and fear off of, even if it does take the form of numbers sometimes. Since we are keeping our journey of conception a secret I have no one else to talk to about these kinds of things.
Hubby understands. I said I’ll try to work on calming down with the mathematics and he said he’ll try to go with the flow when I let my worry translate into facts and figures. He is (like I said) a sweetie.
Read Full Post »
It’s not devil worship and it’s not evil, although being raised in a largely Judeo-Christian family I have struggled with accepting my clear interest in allowing shamanism to be my path of spirituality. This year I feel myself finally shrugging off my embarrassment of the topic as my acceptance and understanding that it isn’t something sinful blossoms. And really, I don’t believe in sin anyway.
When hubby and I were married in October of last year, we were married by three shamans who serve as our spiritual mentors. I was terrified many of our guests would have the same preconceptions about shamanism that I have struggled against (read: not a Christ-centered religion, or a religion at all for that matter.) You may be wondering too what this spirituality I am into is all about. Well here’s what it’s about for me.
Shamanism is not a religion but rather a way of being that can be practiced by people from all walks of life and from all backgrounds and religions. In the group I participate in, there are Jews, Christians, Buddhists, and agnostics…I’m sure that list could go on, but those are just the religious backgrounds I know of personally. Shamanism is not a New Age practice, either, although Barnes & Noble puts books on the topic (rather incorrectly) in that section.
In the Native American and Israeli tribes, among others, the shaman was the medicine man (or woman; in fact, check out this article on the discovery of the oldest shaman grave, a 12,000-year-old one found in Israel) and psychologist of the tribe. There would often also be a religious leader of the tribe. From my understanding, these individuals were not the same and their roles were unique.
To me, shamanism is about going within and healing yourself so you can in turn help heal others and the world. It’s about your connection to God, Great Spirit, the Universe, whatever you want to call it. The basic tenent at the core of the practice is unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and all others around you. There’s a lot more to it all, but I hope this basic insight can give you an understanding of my path to spirituality and what it is and is decidedly not.
My spirituality (along with hubby’s) is an important part of our lives and journey of conception, so I want you to understand where we’re coming from. Our love is centered around personal growth and helping others, and that feels really healthy to both of us. One day soon, I hope we’ll have a spiritually-aware family of three.
Read Full Post »
Posted in Seed, Spirit, Words, tagged baby, four elements, love, pregnancy, shamanism, spirituality, sweat lodge on April 5, 2010|
Leave a Comment »
At the heart of it all, there’s my developing spiritual practice, which is rooted in the practices of Native American shamanism and I am growing more and more able to talk about every day.
At the heart of it all, there is the sweat lodge where my husband and I made the tearful decision to have a baby.
At the heart of it all, there is my writing, about which I am the most passionate and yet most undisciplined. I have wanted to be many things in life (doctor, teacher, surgeon, marine biologist, nurse) but there are two things I have always wanted to be: a mother and a writer.
At the heart of it all, there are our two cats, the children who will have always come first. Meet Chloe and Spencer.
At the heart of it all, there are the four elements — earth, air, fire, and water. This is a picture of my bouquet from our wedding in October. In the bouquet, each of those elements are represented symbolically.
At the heart of it all, there is our love.
Read Full Post »